I QUIT 2.0

I woke up this morning with a sense of needing to connect to my truth, my path and my heart.  This is what I went searching for and what i am revisiting today.  Join me today for a bit of "I Quit"!  

TUESDAY, APRIL 26, 2011

I QUIT

Millions of thoughts have been rattling around my head.  I have been trying to catch them.  No, seriously forcing myself to sit down and try to catch them.  Not realizing that the run after them, launch my full body at them only leads to smacking right into frustration.   I know there is an idea or something brilliant in there.  

Yesterday, I took myself out of the office for a little lunch and then a little walk.  Nothing fancy just did it for me.  I took a book, a journal and some pens.  What I realized is that the chasing down ideas is not working for me.  How do I get myself into this series of thought-chasing-frustration-inducing panic?  (more on this later, I am sure!)  

At lunch as I settled into a calmer place where I sat with my rattling idea filled head, I pulled out the book I grabbed off my shelf.  In it was a list of needs that needed attention in my life from January 2004. It was quite eye-opening!  I had made a list of 7 things and then picked MY top 5 priorities and then there was the question of reordering them.  As I looked over my list I was so quickly transported back to 2004...and the list had 4 of the 7 needs that were for other people!  Not surprising.  The boiled down list had 3 of the 5 about other people.  *Sigh*  Really!?!?  

A light bulb in my head started to flicker.  There was a lot going on in 2004 for me (more for another time, maybe) and what I can think right now is just how easy it is for me to put everyone else before myself.  So easy.  The light bulb continues to try to let the light in fully.  

I head out for a quick walk.  It was so beautiful outside yesterday and as I was walking I ran into an acquaintance who I don't normally see.  It was nice to walk with her to her car and catch up on the weekend.  I was out and doing something for me.  It was not hurting anyone else and the work was not going to get up and do itself.  I stop in and grab some coffee before heading back up the street to the work.  

Before I know it I am back in the office and the only thought in my head is...

I QUIT!!!

I pulled out my a note pad and wrote this down.  This was the only thought that needed to come out right now.  I breathed a sigh of relief.  And then realized the work ahead of me with this.  Here I go...I quit...

I QUIT:

• Putting myself last
• Working so hard it leaves no room for me
• Hiding behind work
• Not taking the best care of my body
• Making excuses 
• Believing in other dreams above my own
• Looking into the future when the present is here
• Worrying about what I have no control over
• Ignoring my gut, my intuition, my vibes
• Trying to make connections out of nothing
• Seeing what I want to see
• Living in fear of "what if..."
• Being afraid of getting my heart broken
• Saving my best outfit for another day
• Holding my tongue
• Holding back my emotions
• Putting off my dreams until...one more thing gets done
• Waiting for perfection
• Not speaking my truth
• Not sharing my heart
• Not Reaching out
• Being afraid to be open to magic
• Being afraid of getting hurt

This list could go on...I am sure. 

So...I QUIT!!!  

I got lots of other "things" to take up my time and then I realized last night...that was it.  I QUIT!!!

I quit worrying about not having enough clothes because I am losing weight.  Silly thought really since I have more than my share in boxes and more than my share of folks around me who would give me the clothes off their backs in order to help me!  

I quit worrying about being perceived as not doing my job at work.  I do good work.  I am overwhelmed.  I am overworked.  I am tired.  I QUIT!  (no, not my job...not today anyway!)  I am going to do the work I can and I am going to take care of myself.  

I started thinking about being selfish then what other people think about me.  In reality I can NOT control what other people think.  

I can only deal with me and my own actions. 

So this morning I sit here & fully commit to QUITTING!  

Again and again!

What do you think?  What do you need to quit?  How will you start making in-roads for yourself?  How will you put down the easiness of putting everyone else before you?   What will you quit?  

Courageously, I will work on MY list of needs and my list of things I am quitting.  I am re-visiting this in the year I am now seeing as the year of boundaries and letting go. 

 

Take the time today to step into your enoughness and just quit! 

Everyday Magic

It is a calm and cool Saturday morning and I need to make a run to Target.  I opt to go to the newer one in East Liberty as I can get personal items and some groceries.  Makes it one, easy, trip.  I can use ease where I can get it.   

I hit up my local Starbucks for a Quad Venti 2 pump Skinny Caramel Latte and enjoy the lovely energy of the regular folks there on Saturday mornings.  It is going to be a beautiful day.  And my latte is just perfect! 

I get to Target and have my list and opt to just stick to the plan and not veer off course.  I get distracted easily and need to be aware of my budget having just bought a new car and car insurance is due.  So I honor my list and head to vitamins, hair spray, toilet paper, and then venture back to the summer area 

before scooping up some groceries.  I am meandering at best.  It is quiet.  Target is never this quiet or calm.  I settle in and just look up and down aisles not finding what I was looking for in the summer area.

Head towards to the grocery area and start up and down the aisles.  I am in one of the frozen sections just la-la-la-ing along when I hear wheels and then there she is. My angel, really My Aunt Barb.  Not sure where she came from and honestly not sure when we parted where she went.  But that is not for me

to figure out.  The truth is she had a story to tell me...

She has magic.  She is magic.  I have magic. I am magic. Magic is all around us.  We just have to be open to seeing it.  Open, honest, and willing to see.  Such a beautiful angelic message in the frozen food aisle.  Oh, but there was more.  

She tells me this story about her grandson who comes to visit from down south and he lives in the country.  He loves coming to this Target with his grandmother because she showed him magic.  The frozen food section has light sensors that trigger the lights when someone comes into the aisle.  She tells me about their visit and how she told him Grandma has more magic that Harry Potter.  He looked sceptically at her and she said just watch.  She stood at the top of the aisle and said some words out loud about turning the lights on and then she waved her arms. He gasped and was amazed.  She was light and literally skipping into the aisle.  Magic! 

This woman is probably barely 5 feet tall, dark hair and eyes and full of love and magic.  She shows me how she did it for him and I felt that moment of wonder and joy and awe that he felt.  It was magic.  It is magic. MAGIC!  

Everyday Magic!

A seemingly simple experience for most of us on a daily basis...and now it was filled with joy and wonder for him, for her, for me.  And maybe for you!  

She told me about her son.  How proud she is of what is does and the man he is.  How young he looks for being 39.  (Same age as me!) How fascinated her grandson is with bridges and busses when he comes to the city.  Anita, from Brooklyn, lives in Pittsburgh and is rich beyond worldly wealth.  Amazing. 

And just as quickly as she has rolled into the aisle, she was gone.  Funny, I did not hear the wheels when she walked away.  It was not until I walked around the corner that it hit me that she was the spirit of my Aunt. 

Now, I admittedly believe in magic, joy and wonder.  I also believe in angels and signs.  This one has got to be one of the most lovely and amazing ones I have ever been blessed with and it came with a very clear, kick ass message from my spit-fire aunt that I need to share, teach and show the world that everyday magic is there for all to see, feel, be with and to make.  

Now that is a productive trip to Target.  Here I thought I just needed toilet paper and vitamins!  

Be open!  

Allow.  

See and Feel the everyday magic that is all around you and me and the universe!  

Watch for some updates and changes that will be coming to this blog and my page and my offerings. 

Namaste.