Forgiving Me...A Hard Step

Dearest Self, 

I forgive you for being afraid.  Yeah, for all the braveness you seem to possess you sure do give in to fear at times.  For that I forgive you.  I ask that you continue to allow support to hold you up as you move towards your dreams, goals and purpose.  

I forgive you for failing on purpose simply because you were afraid of your own success and power and light.  

I forgive you for not listening to your gut and marrying him anyway.  Your need for security was getting in the way of fully connecting to your heart and living your truth.  

I forgive you for not taking the best care of your body.  Your body is a gorgeous vessel that carries you through this life as you do your work and spread your light.  You really can pause to remember to be gentle and loving with her.  She is the means to which you are moving forward on your path.  The lack of attention and pure focus on perceived comfort is a way of the past.  It is time to forgive past transgressions and step confidently into your own power.  She is ready.  You are ready.  Now, I forgive you, let's move on!

Your divine purpose is one filled with love and light.  Allow it to flow to you, through you, into the universe.  You are done pretending you are small and unworthy!

You are safe.  You are beautiful,  You are powerful,  You are ready to share your message.  You have the client pool to tap into.  You have people who support you.  You have people who love you.  You are ready.  You can move beyond the past.  Forgiveness is yours.  I forgive you.

With Love and Gratitude, 

Me

My 6 Month Check-Up

We all need check-ups and check-ins!  I have been dragging my feet about this one...I owe it to you, my fabulous crew, to let you know how I am doing and where I am at! 


I wrote about my 2011 intentions here (go check it out if you have not seen it...I am quite proud of my plans for 2011!)  I also wrote about by lessons learned from 2010 you can also read about that here but I digress...back to this post and my point.  


I needed to check in with myself and my list to see just how my year is shaping up...we are 6 MONTHS into it for crying out loud!  Where are you with your plans, intentions and goals?  (If you need help with any of we can talk about how I can chat!)


Onto my check-up...


Beautiful Body...

• Love what I have:  Check! I am who I am.  The body I have been given and how I have taken are of it for the last 38 years is just part of my perfect path! 
• Sexy Arms:  getting there...I am comfortable showing my arms...they are quick powerful.  I am working on getting them SEXY!  
• Smaller body size: (goal is for a small bath towel to be able to full wrap around my torso.   It is getting there, which is what gave me the idea in the first place.)   Re-posted original goal as it is quiet a good one.  It is getting closer to being a check than not!  :) 
• Lose 85lbs: Progress update: 20lbs gone...slow and steady and all my doing!  
• Move what I have regularly:  getting there with this too!  Will post more when I have more to show.  :) 

Purpose-Driven Business....

• Launch new blog: Check!  Another one may be coming soon...or atleast a move of sorts.  stay tuned for the evolution of this.  :-)  
• Money:  Paypal account established.  Working on my relationship with the green stuff.  Really working on my issues hard core.  We have been grappling over the last week. Hoping to get this wrapped up and moving forward soon! 
• Biz plan: This is in progress.  More to come!  
• Connect with others:  Check!  Ongoing relationships and connections rocking and keeping me grounded!  
• Trip to NYC:  this fell off my radar. Need to look into once more and/or look at other viable options.  
• Learn: CHECK!!  The learning has been amazing!  I could probably write a years worth of posts on just what I have learned in the last 6 months.  Hmm..there is a thought and plan there!  Woooo hoo!  Gonna dig into that one later!   

Heart & Soul....

• Walk @ the Park:  been to the park...beautiful view! 

  • 

    View in Frick Park March 2011

• Music Mornings:  Check!  There is something fabulous about cranking a little dancy music to get your blood flowing with the coffee and writing!  
• Hang out with the people I love:  CHECK!!  Bday party at my house, lots of Cole Cole and Cameron time, girls night at my house, going out to dinner and/or drinks, skype calls, dancing the night away in Madeira, allowing people to take care of me, traveling to see people I love.  Sister time!  Time with Mom!  WOOT!!   
  
  

  
  

  • 
    

    
    

    

    Cole Cole & Cameron at his very first movie April 2011

• Paint: 
• 
  

  
  

  • 
    

    
    

    
• Use my PTO time:  working on my plan for this.  Still struggling with taking time off.  I am working on this with the support of friends and a very awesome therapist.  :) 
• Volunteer:  I miss this in my life...need to push this off a bit.  I am ok with that for 2011.  
• Travel:  CHECK! CHECK! CHECK! Passport Stamp! 
  
  

  
  

  • 
    

    
    

    

    Me on balcony just before sun sets over the Atlantic Ocean @ Madeira

• • 

    Tour around Madeira Island, Portugal April 2011

    
    

    

    MHCI 2009 @ CHI 2011
    Revel Room in Vancouver, Canada
    May 2011

  • 
    

    
    

    
    

    
    

    
    

    

    Barbie & Ozzy making my bed in Maryland
    May 2011

• Dance:  CHECK! Dancing the night away with the folks in Portugal! 
• • • • 
        

        

        Dancing the night away with Troy
        Madeira, Portugal
        April 2011

        

        with Eduardo @ Madeira

        
        

        

        with Clara, Hitee and some fabulous drink concoction!

• Vacation:  For ME and with Family! Planned and planned!  More to follow this year!  

My Scapegoat: ANGER!

You know when you are doing something that you shouldn't be and you get that gnawing feeling in the pit of your stomach?   Well, I felt like someone or something was chewing on my entire gut region in it's giant clutches this morning.  I woke up just before 5 am...which is not unheard of for me.  I work best in the early morning. I love to write at this fresh time.  However, I knew that I had something to do, something to write, something to release.  It was time!  


You wouldn't know it to see me...I have been carrying around some serious anger.  


I have not been writing; been too busy.  I have not been taking care of my life; been traveling.  I have not been...blah, blah, blah.  FUCK!  


BULLSHIT!!!  Life is messy.  Life is busy.  I get it!  


Let me get really honest here...I have been holding onto this anger ball for some time as it is comfortable, it is easy and fuck me...it is an even EASIER scape goat.  Wait...


WOAH!    Whatcha sayin?  


Yes, I have been hiding behind my anger ball. No, I have not been walking around yelling at folks.  No,I have not been doing anything particularly destructive. Hmm, really!?!  Honesty now!  Fuck, fuck, fuck!  


I HAVE BEEN HIDING!  
I HAVE BEEN HOLDING ONTO MY ANGER!  


So when I woke up this morning I knew it was time.  It was time to less the pressure off and start to release it.  I am not going to blow. That would be less than productive!  


Simply put I wrote and wrote and wrote about what I was angry about until I was done.  There is more on other subjects but the biggie is released.  My gut feels better.  I feel relieved.  Doing this work allowed me to take a look at my calendar and do some planning for time off.  Doing this work made me realize that I have not been writing and I miss it!  Doing this work made room for me to see just how much I have accomplished in the first 5 months of 2011!!!  (more for another post soon!)  


This got me to thinking about my own enoughness and how easy it is to slip back into not living that, not being that and go in a direction that really does not work for me.  So I ask you...What are you holding onto out of comfort, fear, complacency?  Can you let it go today?  Why? Why not?  What are you waiting for?  


Share your story with me here...on facebook...on twitter...in email...or in person.