Yesterday, I took myself out of the office for a little lunch and then a little walk. Nothing fancy just did it for me. I took a book, a journal and some pens. What I realized is that the chasing down ideas is not working for me. How do I get myself into this series of thought-chasing-frustration-inducing panic? (more on this later, I am sure!)
At lunch as I settled into a calmer place where I sat with my rattling idea filled head, I pulled out the book I grabbed off my shelf. In it was a list of needs that needed attention in my life from January 2004. It was quite eye-opening! I had made a list of 7 things and then picked MY top 5 priorities and then there was the question of reordering them. As I looked over my list I was so quickly transported back to 2004...and the list had 4 of the 7 needs that were for other people! Not surprising. The boiled down list had 3 of the 5 about other people. *Sigh* Really!?!?
A light bulb in my head started to flicker. There was a lot going on in 2004 for me (more for another time, maybe) and what I can think right now is just how easy it is for me to put everyone else before myself. So easy. The light bulb continues to try to let the light in fully.
I head out for a quick walk. It was so beautiful outside yesterday and as I was walking I ran into an acquaintance who I don't normally see. It was nice to walk with her to her car and catch up on the weekend. I was out and doing something for me. It was not hurting anyone else and the work was not going to get up and do itself. I stop in and grab some coffee before heading back up the street to the work.
Before I know it I am back in the office and the only thought in my head is...
I QUIT!!!
I pulled out my a note pad and wrote this down. This was the only thought that needed to come out right now. I breathed a sigh of relief. And then realized the work ahead of me with this. Here I go...I quit...
I QUIT:
- Putting myself last
- Working so hard it leaves no room for me
- Hiding behind work
- Not taking the best care of my body
- Making excuses
- Believing in other dreams above my own
- Looking into the future when the present is here
- Worrying about what I have no control over
- Ignoring my gut, my intuition, my vibes
- Trying to make connections out of nothing
- Seeing what I want to see
- Living in fear of "what if..."
- Being afraid of getting my heart broken
- Saving my best outfit for another day
- Holding my tongue
- Holding back my emotions
- Putting off my dreams until...one more thing gets done
- Waiting for perfection
This list could go on...I am sure.
So...I QUIT!!!
I got lots of other "things" to take up my time and then I realized last night...that was it. I QUIT!!!
I quit worrying about not having enough clothes because I am losing weight. Silly thought really since I have more than my share in boxes and more than my share of folks around me who would give me the clothes off their backs in order to help me!
I quit worrying about being perceived as not doing my job at work. I do good work. I am overwhelmed. I am overworked. I am tired. I QUIT! (no, not my job...not today anyway!) I am going to do the work I can and I am going to take care of myself.
I started thinking about being selfish then what other people think about me. In reality I can NOT control what other people think.
I can only deal with me and my own actions.
So this morning I sit here & fully commit to QUITTING!
What do you think? What do you need to quit? How will you start making in-roads for yourself? How will you put down the easiness of putting everyone else before you? What will you quit?
Courageously, I will work on MY list of needs and my list of things I am quitting.
Please join me and share by commenting here, Twitter, Facebook, email or with a friend over lunch.
Take the time today to step into your enoughness and just quit!
