My Scapegoat: ANGER!

You know when you are doing something that you shouldn't be and you get that gnawing feeling in the pit of your stomach?   Well, I felt like someone or something was chewing on my entire gut region in it's giant clutches this morning.  I woke up just before 5 am...which is not unheard of for me.  I work best in the early morning. I love to write at this fresh time.  However, I knew that I had something to do, something to write, something to release.  It was time!  


You wouldn't know it to see me...I have been carrying around some serious anger.  


I have not been writing; been too busy.  I have not been taking care of my life; been traveling.  I have not been...blah, blah, blah.  FUCK!  


BULLSHIT!!!  Life is messy.  Life is busy.  I get it!  


Let me get really honest here...I have been holding onto this anger ball for some time as it is comfortable, it is easy and fuck me...it is an even EASIER scape goat.  Wait...


WOAH!    Whatcha sayin?  


Yes, I have been hiding behind my anger ball. No, I have not been walking around yelling at folks.  No,I have not been doing anything particularly destructive. Hmm, really!?!  Honesty now!  Fuck, fuck, fuck!  


I HAVE BEEN HIDING!  
I HAVE BEEN HOLDING ONTO MY ANGER!  


So when I woke up this morning I knew it was time.  It was time to less the pressure off and start to release it.  I am not going to blow. That would be less than productive!  


Simply put I wrote and wrote and wrote about what I was angry about until I was done.  There is more on other subjects but the biggie is released.  My gut feels better.  I feel relieved.  Doing this work allowed me to take a look at my calendar and do some planning for time off.  Doing this work made me realize that I have not been writing and I miss it!  Doing this work made room for me to see just how much I have accomplished in the first 5 months of 2011!!!  (more for another post soon!)  


This got me to thinking about my own enoughness and how easy it is to slip back into not living that, not being that and go in a direction that really does not work for me.  So I ask you...What are you holding onto out of comfort, fear, complacency?  Can you let it go today?  Why? Why not?  What are you waiting for?  


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